It happened again.
I had another several weeks of depression. It always seems to come around a time when I had hoped to start blogging again. So I don’t, because it’s just going to be day after day of the same thing.
- I’m extremely overwhelmed by everyday tasks.
- I find basic housework dreadful and energy sapping. It is a gigantic weight on my shoulders.
- It seems like clutter is piling and piling and it is severely oppressing me. (Though in reality it’s being managed – it isn’t growing.)
- I cry every day.
- My brain is in a continual fog and I cannot write.
- I can’t imagine ever accomplishing anything creative and “meaningful” with my life.
- I’m short tempered with my husband, my mother, and my toddler.
- I cry more because I feel like a terrible mother. (And daughter; and wife…. And sister; and friend.)
But I’ve continued to exercise a few days a week despite this and I’ve learned that that is the most essential piece to my mental health.
At my lowest these past several weeks, exercise didn’t make me feel any better and just sapped my energy. But I did it anyway.
Most of the time though, it makes my entire day better.
- I’ve started to feel those endorphins that my husband is always talking about.
- I think it helps with the insomnia and with quieting my intrusive negative thoughts.
- It makes me feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed about the chores and the clutter.
- I am able to adopt that healing attitude that life is not a race.
- I accept that my life is not currently designed around deadlines and social engagements.
- It doesn’t matter if I finally get the Christmas decorations that are sitting in a pile in my office put away downstairs this week or next week – or here is a crazy though – ever.
It doesn’t matter.
Exercise makes me more confident. I feel more secure about the state of my home – take me as I am world! I feel more at home in my own body. I feel better about my creative ideas. I feel like there will be time to make my ideas come to life. My thoughts aren’t such a jumble that I feel hopeless that I will ever accomplish anything creative or fulfilling again.
Because of exercise I believe I can weather this storm and arrive again in another season of creating, growing, and improving my life.
Oh, in case you are wondering, the reason I am even able to fit exercise into my life at all with winter weather and a toddler, is the new Gold’s Gym in town. Like the Stroller Fitness class I was invited to when Sebastian was 10 weeks old, and where I met my best friend in town, it has saved me.
I love the classes! I love the protein shakes! I love the childcare room!
I love meeting my good friend there and working hard together while our children play together. I love running into just about everyone I know there. I was never a big “gym” person until I tried this one. No joke, I thank the universe for bringing a Gold’s Gym to my small town.